I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
