And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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