I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
