Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
