Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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