i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
