I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
The air taste purple.
Randomize
