Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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