please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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