And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
