i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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