Pappa wants mamma naked
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
