I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Operation Purity has been aborted
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The ass gains better be worth it
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