i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
