So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just found puke in my bra..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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