this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
