I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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