tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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