last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
