marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
