i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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