I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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