I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
