it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
