You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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