I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
