Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
