It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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