i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
