I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she peed on how many people?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
