Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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