yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
