dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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