That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
