It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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