I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
