Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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