I just threw up on my dentist
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
