So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
