Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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