Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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