did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
