i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
