I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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