last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
