I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
