i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
