I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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