His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
