my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
