Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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