Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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