Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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