walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
