This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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